4 mar 2018

Perdóname Andalucía que vengo tarde

O vísteme despacio que tengo prisa.

Se me hizo de noche en tu calita, 
y te escribo en domingo por miércoles a tu verita.

No me metas bulla, y guarda tu malafollá,
que no se me ha encartado decirte algo bonito hasta bien entrada la madrugá.

Si tú ya me conoces, que con el frío,
 me vuelvo un sieso,
y es que éste me tiene arrecío.

No me seas fullera, que con tu salero me llevas ventaja,  
que yo no sé dormir si no es con siesta,
 y que el gazpacho desde Albión se me repite y me resquebraja. 
Serán los kilómetros y no el ajo, 
pero aquí lejos de ti, sigue haciendo un frío del carajo.

Quilla, y es que la nieve lo ha dejao aquí to engüachinao
y cuento lo días en el almanaque, para así guantar con empaque, 
tu falta de caló, el caló, la caló.

Que se me llena la boca hablando de Andalucía
porque soy mu jartible si se trata de ti,  
incluso hay algún que otro pisha que me llamaría agonías.

No te engaño, que te echo una mijita en falta, 
tus atardeceres de luz y de sal y el revoloteo de tu falda. 
Noniná.

Y no me pises las babuchas, que esta vez no voy descalzo. 
Pa mas inri son blanquiverdes, vaya bastinazo.

No te me hagas de rogar, 
no me seas más pejiguera
recíbeme de vuelta en tu madriguera, 
de la que jamás debí marchar.

Mírame a los acáis y dime con un guiño, 
que puedo seguir siendo tu niño,
 y que aun me guardas cariño
 pese a haberme en un día marchao.

No me importa que la fama de pillo y vago me preceda, 
que yo soy andaluz por bandera, 
que mi acento lo entienda quien quiera, 
y que mi dialecto se convierta en idioma en nuestra próxima primavera.

3 ene 2018

2018, I am not Cool, not anymore

I used to be. Like cool cool. Not sure if I ever was super-cool. But cool as a minimum. You know, bouncers knew who I was when I was 14.

I knew how to proper smile on pictures. I usually was on them with loads of women. They were friends ,but hey oh, people didn't know and they thought I was cool.

I was ruling on Twitter. Got shit loads of followers. People knew of my legendary Tshirts and some thought I was cooly funny. Funny like bright. People talked about me, well or bad, doesn't matter, I was on the spot of the coolness.

But now I don't even have a selfie face. Every time I try to smile for a picture there is either food in my teeth or I am blinking. I'm not even on Instagram for God's sake! And I don't understand accronyms teens use! I used to know them all, I was creating trends to get people to use them, because I was cool!

But now I also get annoyed when I see kids throwing their rubbish to the floor. Being on a nice restaurant with good live music on and people chatting does my heading. But I do like spinners; they 're not cool anymore I've been told by people that know about cool stuff. Am I getting old?

I have realised I walk down the street and nobody recognises me. I feel like people feel. I feel I am people now. You know when you see people on Facebook and you think, these guys don't rule, they have never been cool and they never will. That's maybe what people think about me now. Scary.

I dont have a tattoo, maybe that's what I need. And a Vietnamese pig. That would be cool. But I don't want a Vietnamese pig, I want a fucking cat instead. I could not be more uncool.

Cool people' s desires for the New Year are Health, Love, Read more Books...
I just wanna get laid like most people do, but this uncoolness is a freaking liability. And it is so uncool to say it.